Have you ever heard of the ascended masters? How about angel numbers, ascension, or the violet flame? Has some creep ever told you they're your "twin flame"? Has Saint Germain ever offered you a cup of his golden cream? This week we're introducing a multi-series saga exploring the history of the "Ascended Master Teachings" AKA the I AM movement, an off-shoot of Theosophy which has spawned countless cults, flim-flammers, psychic Nazis, and successful YouTubers making cricket sounds to channel extraterrestrial intelligences. The extremely strange thing about all of this is that no one seems to know that it comes from the same place and is not, in fact, secret ancient wisdom. For the first part of the inquisition we have a rambling discussion about the earliest history of the ascended masters and try to paint a picture of what all this is about, in preparation for some of the most insane and insanely important stories everyone has forgotten about.